It’s 12:12. I swear to god, I have become some kind of insomniac. I need to sleep, but my brain has become so full of things that it won’t let me go to bed. I’ve been trying to pick them out of my head and put them down somewhere so I can go back and worry about them when I am concious but it doesn’t work because I just keep thinking more about them. Right now I have a play bouncing around in my brain that won’t let me sleep. That and the unhappiness that always creeps in when I haven’t slept right. So here I am. Writing more letters to people who may or may not read them. Make of it what you will.
Bright Eyes -
You are way too happy and excited about me. Seriously, I am not that great. Once you get to know me you’ll see.
Porch Swing -
I miss you so much. You are one of the few people in this world that makes sense anymore and you get where the hell I am coming from because you are at the same place. I am sorry I kinda fucked up that one night. I miss our long talks. Let’s be lost in college undecided-ness together. I’ll visit you, I swear. :)
Chatty Cathy -
If you are going to talk to me, have something to say.
I always feel sad when I have to say goodbye to you after those talks. That scared, horribly insecure and pessimistic person…that’s me. That’s how I feel inside all the time but have to bury it under so many layers of stuff. I’m sorry I burden you with it. But I trust you not to care…You know, I wish you were a different person sometimes. But you aren’t, of course. :p It’s one of those things I can’t change and I have to forget instead. But it’s that part I’ve never been good at.
I don’t know what to think about you anymore. I’m at that point where I’m not sure if who you are works with who I am. And I want that to work…really I do. Though at this point I am questioning for what reason. Not to mention you aren’t exactly an open book to read. You are really intense and it’s exhausting to keep up with. At this point, I just want to know how you feel. Tell me before I give up hope.
Romance and the Universe at large-
You know what I wish? I wish that if someone really liked someone else or felt that something for someone else, they would have the guts to go up, tell them, and then kiss them. No more words, none of that in-between crap. I swear, if that happened to me, I would know that person and I belong together. I want the kind of romance where you just know. You just click with the other person and you know. I’m not gonna find it if I go out looking for it. I have to wait and it will come to me. But damn it, I am sick of waiting, and how am I supposed to know it when it gets here? Whenever I seem to “find” it, I spend so much time going after it and investing myself in a person only to be left with nothing. What the fuck? What did I do to deserve that? Does the universe not think that I will appreciate it when I get it? Because I will.
I just want to find those arms I belong in. Why does that seem like the world’s most impossible task?
- Dazed and Confused.