August 2011
Half of a conversation with david, out of context:
Me: the kitten already lanced open my arm
and that hurts enough
I have a scratch and puncture wounds
cute
but annoying
he hides all the timeno
he;s scared of me because I’m new
fuck you
yours is huge
REALLY HUGE
SO GINORMOUS
I want to build a city
so awkward
my grandparents asked about you
because weird al came up and I said “me and my boyfriend went an saw him”and...
July 2011
I’m done. That’s it.
The one thing I want in this world, I can’t have.
Goodbye.
Leaving? So soon?
Of course.
So much for happy herbal pills. Now I’m just depressed as fuck.
WatchJust finished introducing Tres to ‘The Room’. Because he’s like my older brother…who I can watch bad movies that boarder on soft-core porn with. And who will burn me CDs of songs to have sex to.
Why don’t I hang out with him more often?
AND no text from Tyler yet. He said he’d send me one after dinner with his dad…I hope that’s soon because I need...
Nothing is right any more.
Nothing is whole
Everything’s wrong.
And you are still gone.
Kay, and I’M THE ONE WHO IS BEING CONFUSING?
For real?
Jeebus.
Ive got 2 hours of sleep. I’m too damn tired for this.
Watchthedailywhat:
TV Show Teaser of the Day: Screw you, solitary still image from this morning: Here’s the first teaser trailer for Nickelodeon’s Avatar sequel, The Last Airbender: Legend of Korra, courtesy of the show’s Comic-Con panel.
The mini-series is set to premiere in mid-2012.
[nick.]
Again, Danica, better have seen it.
“It hurts because you’re the One but I can see you falling out of love with...”
– - text from David, 3:19
You are right. You shouldn’t have let me go. Because I would have done fucking anything just to have you want me, but you didn’t, so I am trying my hardest to move on. I put up with your crap for a year and you agreed to end it without a second thought.
If I was...
40583.) I'd give my soul for one night of romance...
Danica, for some reason this made me think of you. I WILL SEE YOU IN A WEEK.
Counseling was interesting.
I am dysthymic with anxiety.
I guess it’s something I’ve always suspected, but never really got diagnosed with. Apparently the anxiety comes from my father’s genetics. God damn.
And now I’m more depressed BECAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG WITH ME.
She suggested medication a few times, and I gave her a very firm “fuck no.” Because I...
Scars won’t leave me like you did. No matter how badly I want them to.
Miss him again. I don’t care how nice Tyler is to me and how great he is. It’s never enough to force it from my mind.
I still feel dirty. I still feel like I am with David and cheating on him.
Everything at the beginning was so natural. We were so natural together. The way we kissed, the way we talked, the way we fucked. The way he looked at me.
God damn it. Why did he have to do...
LISTS (ignore, post for me)
Organizing my life. Pay no mind.
LIST 1: Goals for my 2 months at home
1. Get my license…*is full of shame*
2. Learn how to weld. I want to work int he scene shop, I should probably get some experience with torches. And since my dad is a welder and has always wanted me to learn, I might as well take him up on that.
3. Possibly learn autocad? Same as above, but my mother is an architect.
...
I miss him.
God damn it.
Somebody just slap me. I’m never gonna learn what is best for me.
Life is funny sometimes.
David and I had a long talk and I thought we were finally happy with one another. Like really. And then, despite the fact he told me two days ago that it would be awhile til we had sex again, proceeded to have sex with me. And I…just didn’t enjoy it at all. It felt forced, I couldn’t get wet because I didn’t want to do anything, and it was wrong....
39969.) I want to be someone's number one. The...
Finally have an excuse to get Adele's cd. Our tap...
Quote from David yesterday during our “talk” which occurred after I had only slept for 4 hours, failed a midterm, and had to wander around his apartment complex for ten minutes because he didn’t feel like putting on some fucking pants and coming to get me:
“You cheated on me. And if this was a trial of what our relationship would be like, you failed. You failed me.”
...
Stayed up until 6 this morning fighting with you. I have a midterm today that I am going to fail. Everything is my fault. It wasn’t cheating if we weren’t together. Maybe you thought we were, but you never made it clear to me.
I haven’t been able to stop crying. 12 hours.
Once upon a midnight dreary, upon my heels acrylic... →
Franny sent this to me ages ago and I will always love it.
Fuck.
If you were still awake…if you texted me back, I would tell you.
Fuck.
You just did.
You’re never gonna forgive me.
Fuck.
Looking for good music tonight. I’m anything from Spektor to Mraz to Weezer to Brian Setzer Orchestra. Suggestions?
Yeah, how I think it's gonna feel to graduate... →
I got to see you for 5 minutes and all we did was fight. And then you just went to bed. Didn’t want to see me. And then I walked home alone at midnight crying by myself.
I’m so tired. I fucking hate you.
I fucking hate everyone.
I fucking hate living.
Just…ya know. Tired of being hurt by everyone around me. I hate being unwanted.
I just gave up Tyler so I could keep a relationship with this asshole? The one who is lazy, doesn’t do anything for me, spends his time thinking about food and playing video games in his underwear, complains about stupid shit, and doesn’t brush his teeth unless I tell him to?
Really?
What what what are you doing?
Look at your life, look at your choices.
