I got to see an old friend of mine last night. She was in the area so a few of us went out to dinner.
She used to be my best friend years ago. Like matching-best-friends-necklaces best friend. Like I-called-her-mom-“mom” best friend. Like I-had-a-toothbrush-at-her-house best friend. Like…
Reblogging for relevence.
I’m going into my fourth year of college. I’ve just switched my major from something mildly useful (cognitive science) to something completely useless (theater). And I keep going back and forth on this decision because when it comes down to it, I can feel that this could be a mistake. I could end up a starving artist. I could end up with some shitty job I hate and never get to use my degree. I don’t actually think I’m any good at this stuff and I’m so pessimistic and self loathing that even if I was any good, I would never be able to tell because my mind is so warped that I could convince myself otherwise.
And I’ve just started an internship at the La Jolla Playhouse. And I’ve got two jobs working as a stage hand. And I’ve got a stage management position. And I’m designing a show. And I’m taking all of these classes. And I’m trying to tell myself that this is good. That I’m doing okay. But god, I feel like I just wasted four years. I haven’t been doing enough. I’m not doing enough right now. I’ve been too self conscious, too socially awkward, and too scared to make mistakes.
The future is scary. And maybe this is a mistake. But you know what? It’s one I’ve got to make for myself.